Can you hear me now?
I know you know what it’s like to be the middle of an important conversation on your cell phone and then you get static or you lose connection. Have you ever thought why that is so irritating? It interrupts the flow of the conversation. It wastes precious time and productivity. We may be missing something important if it is a business call. It’s also very distressing if I am in the middle of passionate relational discussion (which I probably shouldn’t be having on the phone anyway 🙂 Those are just a few reasons and you probably have some of your own.
Connecting is everything when it comes to communication. Those people who do take the time to connect with others take their relationships and their organizations to the next level.
“Connecting is the ability to identify with people in a way that increases your influence with them…To be successful, you must work with others. And to do that at your absolute best, you must learn to connect.” John Maxwell
One of first practices of good communication and connecting is finding common ground. This means that I have to focus on others. I can’t find common ground if I don’t know anything about the person with whom I want to connect. Connecting starts with the attitude that others and their opinions have value.
It’s like the story of the woman who was dissatisfied with her husband’s eye surgery, “We spent all that money on fixing my husband’s eyes and he still doesn’t see things from my point of view.
Each of us sees things through our own paradigms and viewpoints. It’s often easier to see their opinion through our own filters rather than to ask questions to try and understand where they are coming from. Connecting and finding that common ground takes time and energy and adds tremendous value to others. The key to finding that common ground is the willingness to see things from another person’s point of view.
Our different paradigms and beliefs may cause these barriers to connecting:
1. Assumptions--I already know what the other person knows, feels and wants. When I get ready to finish someone’s sentence because I think I know what they are going to say, I often miss the whole meaning of the conversation. Is that really valuing that person?
2. Arrogance–I don’t need to know what they want, need, or feel. Is my way or thought really the ONLY way?
3. Indifference–I don’t care to know what others know, feel or want. What may not have meaning or importance for me, may hold great significance for someone else.
4. Control–I don’t really want others to know what I know, feel or want. I can’t establish common ground if I hold back information from others. Does that cause people to trust me enough to want to connect?
Taking down these barriers is a matter of choice. It means making ourselves available, listening to others, asking questions, being open and adaptable to people and situations. Most importantly it takes being humble. “I will think of myself less so I can think of others more.”
The above information was gleaned from John Maxwell’s book “Everyone Communicates, Few Connect.” Â
Make some great connections this week!
Jan
Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team
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