“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.“
–Christopher Robin
Has your kitchen table become your school room? Are you wondering if your family will make it out of quarantine still intact? Let me help you recognize each of the four personalities in your children, according to the Maxwell Method of DISC. I want to briefly share how you can communicate best with their style to alleviate some of the stress. I have included Sweet Spot Statements for your child that may be used to affirm their strengths, especially after you’ve had to correct behavior.
D-wired (Dominant) child–They are natural born leaders and like to be in control. They tend to be strong-willed and very decisive. They say what they think, are very direct and have a difficult time saying “I’m sorry.” Other people’s feelings tend to take a back burner to them getting results. Under pressure or stress they may become argumentative, resistant, angry and/or impatient. If you see this behavior, clarify who is in charge (and it should be the parent:) and get right to the point with correction. They like a specific, logical and sensible explanation for your discipline. To lessen their stress, give them the opportunity to be in charge of something. Offer them challenges, competition, changes and choices.
Sweet Spot Statements For Your D Child
“I like that you are very confident in yourself.”
“I like that you set your mind to something and go after it.”
“I like that you are committed and decisive.”
I-wired (Influencing)–They are talkative, optimistic, fun and open about their feelings. They are warm and trust others. They make friends easily. Under stress, they are more easily distracted. They can be impatient, loud, over-active and attention-seeking. If this style can’t socialize, their stress level goes up. They need a lot of people connections, so you might set up a Zoom conference call with some of their friends. To lessen the stress, allow them to talk and share their feelings–even if you don’t feel like it. When disciplining them, explain to them that this behavior will make people not want to spend time with them. These types, more than the others need recognition for jobs well done.
Sweet Spot Statements For Your I Child
“I like that you are fun to be with.”
“I like that you are a friendly person.”
“I like your enthusiasm…it’s contagious.”
S-wired (Steady)–With their natural, easygoing, and peaceful style, S children are the most enjoyable to raise. S’s are supportive, steady, and tuned into people. Their instinct is to do whatever it takes to avoid conflict. They are unnerved by sudden change and potential threats to their security. Stress may make them stubborn and selfish. They are the child that smiles “yes” on the outside, but “no” on the inside. Because they are very sensitive, it is critical that we don’t freak out in front of them. When correcting them, show hurt, and attempt to keep the conflict from escalating. They will totally wilt if corrected like a D-wired child. They need to feel loved and may need a boost of confidence. Give them a task where they can easily succeed.
Sweet Spot Statements For Your S Child
“I like that you are a caring person.”
“I like that you try and get along with others.”
“I like that you are compassionate.”
C-wired (Compliant/Analytical)–C children are the rule keepers. Intent on doing the right thing, they strive to avoid mistakes because they expect perfection from their world and that, of course, includes themselves. They are the child that continually asks questions. If your C child is under pressure, they will be visibly anxious and worried. They may be uptight, critical and blaming of others. If these children watch the news, they will really want to dig into the facts, which will further stress them. Don’t be surprised if they spend more time quietly in their rooms, as they prefer more peaceful environments. C-children are very sensitive to criticism or what they perceive as criticism. When correcting, give them facts, allow them time to process your words. and don’t make them look foolish.
Sweet Spot Statements For Your C Child
“I like how you always try to do your best.”
“I like that you like things to be organized.”
“I like that you listen to what others say and feel.”
I know this is brief and you may have questions. Don’t hesitate to contact me. I don’t have children in my home right now, but I remember what it was like to be a single parent. I knew my children were way different, but I didn’t know it was because their natural wiring. I wish I would’ve had this information when Ben and Julie were growing up.
One more point. our children are watching us all the time. They may do what we say, but they will definitely do what we do. The brain learns what is modeled for it. The behavior you model WILL be the behavior they learn. How do you want them to handle adversity in their lives? Right now is the perfect time to model that behavior for them. As my friend, John Maxwell, says, “I’m making lemonade out of these lemons.”
Your friend,
Jan
Jan McDonald
The John Maxwell Team
For a friend to subscribe, here is the link
https://jan-mcdonald-llc.mykajabi.com/opt-in
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